15 ways to eliminate the eldritch object you need to dispose of.

Written with many contributions from Nick Sunshine

1. Feed it to the gravity dragon at the bottom of the pit
2. Get a nation to recognize the object as its rightful king
3. Team of bards describes the object in such excruciating detail and flowery prose that its existence collapses in on itself
4. Devise a magical mathematical proof of the object's existence that is self-contradictory but verifiably true
5. Find the first flower and impale it on its spines
6. Put it in a vault on the moon
7. Encase it primordial goo
8. Cast enlarge on it thousands of times in rapid succession, causing it to go macro-scale and become unable to interact with our micro-universe
8. Sell it to a god
9. Shrink it and attach it a feral cat’s collar
10. Tell a joke that negates its power by making no one take it seriously
11. Weave it into a sacrificial cloth for the last lamb and burn it
12. Use a were-curse to bind it to someone, so you only have to deal with it once a month when the full moon comes out and they morph into it
13. Display the object in art museum making it irrelevant
14. 9th level spell - LOSE (divination) - target goes away. nobody but the gods know where it is.
15. Assign it a counselor to nod sagely at its abominable whispers.

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